Quick hits, Lock of the Week (NOT A PICK), Corrections, Letters

Real headlines. Made-up reactions.

1. President Tells Supporters To Vote By Mail Weeks After Calling It A “Scam”; Retired Mail Carrier Walt Says He Delivered Both Opinions And Neither Had A Stamp.

2. Democrats Start Saying “Blue Tsunami” A Month Before Election Day; Party Historians Ask Them To Please Stop Saying It Out Loud.

3. Senate Debates In Michigan And Georgia Turn Into Name-Calling; Boyd Watches By Mistake, Rates Them “Worse Than A Reunion Special.”

4. Valkyries And Dream Reach WNBA Finals, Both Chasing First Title; Dana Asks Which App It’s On Before Anyone Can Celebrate.

5. Rays Sweep Yankees; Dana Logs It As “A Normal Landing,” Says Nothing Else.

Lock of the Week. NOT A PICK. By Dana Kovach, who did not want to do this.

The lock: Before this NFL season ends, someone you know will ask “Wait, what channel is it on?” with two minutes until kickoff.

How sure: Totally. It happened while I was typing this.

The line: There is no line. We made it up. The line is also streaming on an app you don’t have.

Corrections. We were wrong. They were wronger.

A. Boyd called Wednesday night “a hostile situation.” His wife, Darlene, says it was “a TV show, Boyd.” Boyd stands by “hostile.”

B. Neil’s briefing this week ran long because he left the volume on. Margo says the ledger was already too long.

C. Walt’s column showed up by fax at 4:12 a.m. We’re sorry we still own a fax machine.

Letters to the editor.

Dear Meridian, my husband reads Boyd’s recaps to me at breakfast like he’s giving a briefing. He has a whiteboard in our garage. It has string on it. Please make him stop. Or don’t. It’s the most he’s talked since 2009. — Darlene T., Caddo Bend, Texas.

Editor: Darlene, you’re not allowed to write in. Boyd says hi.

Dear Meridian, Walt’s column made me cry. Also, I have a tablet now. It’s very fast. Tell Walt. — Gary, Rotary Club.

Editor: Gary, Walt says hi, and also “no.”